PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
