I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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