oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
