She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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