ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She bit a glass in half.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
