All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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