just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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