I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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