i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
