allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
