Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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