You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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