and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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