I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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