I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
