somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
