my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
