She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
