Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
