My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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