saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
