I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
