OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
