they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
