he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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