yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
