ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize