I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
