goodnight i made you a song goodbye
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
