That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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