i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
