she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
