he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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