When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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