fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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