I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Welp...herpes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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