Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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