I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sext me about skeletons
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
