like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
