I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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