I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
