im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
