You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
