how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
