i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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