i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
