from now on my penis is your penis
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize