doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
