I'm so fucking centered right now
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
