I am midnight drunk by noon
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
