remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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