I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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