She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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