It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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