i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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