I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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