it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
