Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
