Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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