He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
