I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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