Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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