i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
