you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
