You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
