i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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